By Natasha Botkin
Recently, I was discussing with another how my past lives keep showing up. Sometimes one at a time, sometimes many all at once. One thing is for sure, the divine has me on overdrive and there are days where keeping up with human experiences are beyond overwhelming.
A week ago, I was underneath not one, but two different sinks to clear blocked drains. As I am attempting to put the pipes back together a sob commences and the feeling of get ready shines through. Oh no, water means deep emotions and how deep is this going to go. It is not like we are ever given a definitive releasing map. It is, just the know that something is going to happen, and the happening will arise as needed.
How deep did this go. Centuries back, back to when all of the troubles began for me and my twin flame. One thing happened which led my BeLoved to not act like himself and this led me to not act like myself. I cannot say why I did not confess my sins (not really a sin–rather a massive mistake). Instead, I have been trying correct this mistake over and over. My loving heart, shamed, how could I have allowed this to happen: I am of love. It is almost like the movie “Groundhog Day,” except instead of reliving one particular moment. Mine catapulted into lifetime after lifetime, trying so hard to hide this enormous mistake from my BeLoved, maybe this time, I can correct it, and thus, only to be heralded to untimely death after death.
Now, when I mention how deep–Oh it was deeper than the depths of most oceans. Funny part about all of this, because I have to allocate the humor to something so large, is that my BeLoved in this lifetime loves to scuba dive. One thing he taught me was no matter how intense the storm is at or near the surface, if you go down x amount of feet; yep, I have forgotten the exact amount, and yes he is spiritually smiling, as how am I ever going to learn to scuba dive, if I cannot recall the depth meters. The water will be calm X amount of feet down.
So when for the fourth time in a week, 2 clogged pipes, a clogged garbage disposal and a flooded basement. I decided it was time to give my BeLoved’s idea a whirl. You see, my body reacted to all of this in a way that no longer serves me. Anger exuded from me, and this left me in pain, not an emotional, a physical pain. I have moved to my divine feminine and to feel the rage, anger, shame move through me brought out great amounts of physical pain. My spiritual mentor helped me clear many energies, as this was not fully clearing with me–my BeLoved also physically pained and not behaving like himself…It was too deep, too intense. So, she cleared the way for me to submerge myself into the deeper waters going down, down, down.
Dreamtime work brought forth my answers, my shame, my guilt; the worst part what will happen when my BeLoved twin flame realizes what I did. Will he hate me, will he fear me, will he banish our love? The beauty and surprise were “My silly girl, I have known all along, and have waited to hear the truth from you. Why did you fear me?” My response, “Do you wish to hear our truth or do you wish me to lie to you as all the others that fear you?” My BeLoved, “Truth, and when did you ever fear me?” My repose, “One because of your mistake, you behaved in a way that was not like you; thus I made my mistake and I am ashamed of my mistake, I went into hiding, like a lost scared little girl and with each lifetime since have been put to death; deaths that did not belong to me, if I just shared with you–the truth. Now that I have come into my truth-I refuse to hide; my cloak of invisibility gone-I stand and shine my full glory of love and light for all to see!”
I have come to realize that the angst that created my BeLoved and my separation of this lifetime, stems from mistakes of centuries ago. Spiritually, I have made amends with my BeLoved twin flame; I do not know have the knows of this lifetime and can only pray that his esoteric form can truly forgive me and accept my love, my light, my powerful high priestess self. For to know me is to love me.
Much Love and Light
Magical Blessings, Natasha