Ode to the Stretch Mark

By Natasha Botkin 

heart spiral

Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend,  “How did you do this alone, how were you a mom to not one, but two autistic boys, all on your own?  I honor you.”

I have always felt blessed that the divine choose me to be their mom.  Through the good, the bad and the ugly times; raising two autistic boys on my own was not easy: there were many moments of tears, a mama grizzly bear ready to swipe anyone who would harm her cubs.  Then there is the laughter, the joy of raising, guiding, seeing their shining moments.

My unproud moment was the affects, and I offer a sincere apology to all women.  I am sorry that I have pointed, mawked, and been down right ashamed of my stretch marks, my beloved honoring me, saying , “You would be gorgeous in a bikini.” My response, “Oh yuck, with these?  Yeah, no!”

Today, something stopped me in my tracks, I was looking and sighing at “them.”  Then, I read somewhere: “There are some women who wish that they had stretch marks, and have not been given that oppotunity….”

I am truly sorry to the divine, to my beautiful self and to all women.  No matter how you became a mother, that does not matter, you are a mom and that is the most important aspect.  However, with that said, as a tribute to all women, I will wear these stretch marks with pride and honor for all women, moms.

My request, is that you too, join in and honor all women and shine your stretch marks as the beauty that you truly are!!

white rosebud with pink tipsMuch Love, Much Light and Magical Blessings, 

                                            Natasha 

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I’m Worth it! Your Worth It!

by Natasha Botkin 

Cat looking in mirror sees lion

Self-esteem can be defined by Webster’s dictionary as a noun self–es·teem \-ə-ˈstēm\ : a feeling of having respect for yourself and your abilities.

Self worth can be defined by Webster’s dictionary as noun \-ˈwərth\: a feeling that you are a good person who deserves to be treated with respect.

Some may say they are the same; some may same they differ from one another.  Instead of focusing on this, let’s focus on a key word; both of the definitions begin with the word feeling.

Let’s define feeling via Webster’s dictionary as noun feel·ing \ˈfē-liŋ\: an awareness by your body of something in it or on it: an emotional state or reaction.

Therefore, a feeling is an awareness by your body, a sense, a presence, a vibe.

I have known individuals who have loads of outward self-esteem, but deep down inside are screaming for self-worth. This is the body receiving divine knowledge that something is amiss.  Emotionailty is that force of a prideful ego dispersing lies.  Sorry, Charlie the Sunkist Tuna, ego lies, deceives and creates a falsehood that is not of divine truth.  

Breaking the belief and pattern that unfolds is as deep as the depth of where a tuna lives.  One needs to dive deep to unfold their truth.  The feelings that one just does not wish to feel.

In my collaboration with 30 other Authors “The Wisdom of Midlife Women 2,”  I share my story, “Feelings of Resilience.”  In fact what I am now bravely sharing is that this story was almost left tabled and not birthed.  When it showed, my ego wanted to scream and kick like a two-year old having a tantrum.  I had to step back and dive deep; when I emerged, my story was powerful, ready to be shared and shown to the those would enjoy this sharing.  WOMW2_CoverIMG 2

Easier said than done, right!  

I understand in ways that most may not realize.  Once upon a time, I wore a cloak of invisibility afraid to show the world my true abilities.  As a child I was ridiculed by friends and family.  Now, I value my divine gifts; this is their loss. and I am here to shine my love, light and strength.  Our powerful divine did not mistake my worth as others did.

The divine bequeathed me with an enormous amount of gifts.  One is being an Empath.  Before I dove deep for the story “Feelings of Resilience, I had this false sense that as an empath, I would take what others could not handle those energies/feelings left me tired and worn out.  I did not deserve this, this is not what this gift is about.  So, diving that I believed to be deep, gently guided this was not deep enough, oh jeeze; my Beloved’s voice and scuba diving knowledge of the human world, right by my side; “I am here ‘My Love.’  It’s okay, you’ll be okay.  There’s a storm brewing, you know what you must do, and even though I cannot be there with you, I am still here and will monitor from afar; you are not alone, you are never alone.”

So dive, I went, it is what I must do!  I dive, further and further and I rest swimming amongst creatures of the unknown.  I am ready to submerge, I know that spiritually my BeLoved will be there with the divine, angels, Mother Mary and Yesuah.  When I submerged they cradled me and helped me to better understand what just happened on the conscious level.

The story emerges, so does my worth in a way that is incredible, words cannot describe what is happening; it is a feeling, me taking back my life, my song, my dance. The greatest moment of clarity was visiting Ikea with a friend; she turns after we leave and says, what is different.  I smile as I know what happened.  One day I will share.

The greatest gift that the divine gave to me at that moment was the return of feeling.  Self worth tackling what once toppled me; now I walk amongst crowds and do not absorb their energies.  Rather, I honor and treasure myself to shine my divine light and divine love at full strength so that others may also feel this beautiful gift.  The other divine gift, the ability to do so without absorbing their “stuff.”  Me standing like a beacon of love and light shining for all to see and loving my worth to know that all is well- my power turned on, and I no longer need to “absorb” every little energy; these need a special location and I can deflect this to where it belongs; it does not belong to me as I am worth so much more and cherish myself by honoring my divine worth.  

May you too, honor and cherish all that you are! May you too, turn on your power! 

Much Love, Much Light, and Magical Blessings, 

Natasha 

Balance is Quintessential

by Natasha Botkin

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One thing is for certain, ever since the full blue moon many energies have shifted and shown up in a whole new manner.  It all began with a text to my sister revealing that I have had enough.  

Now that sounds juicy, enough of what- my sister…

Nope, I adore my sister!

What is it that I had enough of, one sided anything.  The lunar energies revealed a lack of balance in my life, and off I went to eradicate this from my life.  I looked around and realized that I felt a loss, what is the loss, the loss of equal balance.

Everyone deserves to have balance in their life.  Growing up, in other relationships and such, there was not equal balance.  It seemed ever one-sided.  A person revealing to me that they were upset with me.  My response was why? This person stated that I had no time for them.

Oh quite the contrary, I had enough of me putting out the effort and them pretty much ignoring my worth.  So bye-bye, and after the blue full moon, I got to work.  It has become interesting those who have finally reached out inquiring where I went to.  I told my sister in a text, I was conducting an experiment.  I would not reach out and wanted to see who would.  Sadly, for me the list was long.

The other part to all of this was my cell phone went haywire, there is still email, social media or heaven forbid drive over to my home and acutally check on me.

Sad, is the love, light and energy spent for them.  Now I am all about forgiveness and unconditional love; however, I am no doormat and my self worth is worth much more than that.

I write this very dear moment, a month later, I feel freer, happier and well lighter and so loved.  How, those who deserve my love, light and energies receive this, and I recieve theirs as an open flow back and forth.  The flow does not cease and that is why it is much more than ever.  My heart expanding even more—awww I love this open expanse of heart felt love. 

Surprisingly was the text from my quiet Beloved, apologzing for being  “kind of a jerk.”  He I will forgive and allow him to heal from his own personal ordeal; others not so much.  I figure, if it mattered, then they would have made the time.

Now, I know that everyone gets busy; seriously if this was your last moment or breath in life, what would matter most, how many have you allowed to slip away as you were too busy and I chime in with too busy with what….

We are all busy, then again, if we put down the cell phones, social media and unplug what will be revealed to you…..

I write this during another full moon as a way to release that which no longer serves me and imbalanced relationship(s) are no longer tolerable.  I love me and deserve equal worth from another.

I write this for all of those who will read the blog and hope that they too will have the strength to step up, sound off of the own worth and seek our balanced relationships.

Much Love, Much Light and Magical Blessings,

Natasha

Internally Smacking My Head

by Natasha Botkin 

Can I just say UGH!!

I was at the Farmer’s Market.  One stand has a dear lady who loves her flowers; her clipping and arranging her flowers and her husband grumbling; her love, but he is there as one day, well he was informed he will stay.  I sat back and waited until the couple was ready…

Today, she asks what would you like; I say what do you believe me to need.  I see her reach for the lupines, and internally smacked my head.  Lupines, they are a beautiful, misunderstood flower.  They love to dance and heal with happiness and bring forth inner strength. The internal headsmack was the other part many do not know….these also bring the message of new opportunities to soon be discovered when one finds the way to have a positive outlook.  Lupine

Thank you so much angels and fairies! Positive outlook, well let’s see in the past month this has been my life….or rather crumble. 

Let’s see in a month’s time a family emergency with my autistic son deciding that looming graduation was too intense and made a rash decision that left us in crisis mode. Me battling to obtain what my son needs.  Stop telling me that I am the expert, I need help—he needs help!

Due to this I went on Family Medical Leave, the next day told that my teaching contract would not be renewed (one month prior when I looked into the harassing details that I was harboring on a daily basis-was told I would have a job–no matter what). So much for the no matter what!  I would have filed harassing paperwork, if I was not up to my eyeballs with crisis therapists, mental health therapist, etc.  The unexpected loss of my job, left me with little financially.  To top it all off, my BeLoved TwinFlame went MIA.  Seriously, he has his own stressors, but this is absurd.

A nagging feeling of trying to get my business up and going to support me.  Well, that has been frustrating! Then to really add mischief to all of this, the old lady home, really needs a new caretaker.  In my area, housing is beyond ridiculous, and I am finding traversing the world of help, is there is no help and have been labeled the working poor.

So when the lupine danced my way, I knew it was the divine’s way of saying enough.  Get off the pity party wagon that you are harboring off and on and dance sweet girl.  Have faith, trust and believe that I am doing what you need.

Remarkably, I am peacefully joyful with the latest level up.

Oh dear lupine, thank you for coming my way. I’ve placed you near the bed in hopes that sweet dreams may enter my sleeping realm, peace and comfort will return.  Be the watcher—-wait and see sweet girl, allow love to flow–you’ll be OK. 

Much Love, Much Light and Magical Blessings,

Natasha

They Overrode the Buttons

by Natasha Botkin 

Angel with heart rose

During last night’s dream time, a moment of truth shined through.  It began with a moment of the past – way in the past.  A mixture of high school, people who I once knew, and have not seen in a long time. Some are friends on Facebook, a face at the grocery store.  I wait in observer mode, I am placed in a chair without a name tag as all the other chairs have name tags.  This does not bother me, as I used my present name, not a maiden name; so they would not label my chair as such.

I am not sure as to the length of time that emerged, this was not important.  Other details surfaced, again not of too much importance, almost like the extras of a movie.  Then a person I went to school with from kindergarten through 12th grade showed, requested me to follow him.  There is a moment of confusion, he wasn’t a “friend,” we just attended school together; often in the same classes.  He was not allowed to be my friend, via the “mean girl crew.”  I did not fit in, and he just went along.

We enter a darkened small space, I see the buttons.  Wait, we are in an elevator.  He steps away, “they” overrode the buttons.  Others get off the elevator, this “male classmate,” says do not leave; turns his head over his shoulder; “besides; they have overridden the buttons; you will depart soon.”  I did stop the “male classmate,” Why did you appear?”  He does not respond in voice, and yet I hear “You will soon know.” 

My memory returns to an email. “You are here to defy stereo-typing.” I am more than aware, that I will ascend.  How much further up the spiral or shall we say elevator, I was not sure at that moment.

The elevator whirls, I feel my energy increase, the vibrational matter more crystalline.  The door opens, I am on top of a mountain, stadium, this does not matter.  I look down and see others; not in a condescending manner, more of a look at all who will come. I look to all of the Archangels who surround me with pure divine love and light, I say, “You overrode my buttons, the matter does not matter, I am here, I accept, I am here…all I do ask is now what….” 

I awaken in a bed I know and yet, realize that nothing from this moment on will be as it once was.  Today, I will rest.  Tomorrow I was planning on going to the Farmer’s Market and wonder well….

Rest, relax, you will have much work to do soon….quite soon….rest dear one, your living has just begun. I am okay, with the unknown; what will be will be. I will fluctuate more to the feminine; mother is near….

I do ask, “Why that “male classmate” Why not my BeLoved that once showed me a movie – ‘Click.'” My higher self responds meditate.  Through meditation I am aware that the “male classmate” has surfaced each time I have a major transition in my life, and that is all that musters through.  Triangle Heart

So, I am off to the unknown, living moment by moment, step by step; my higher self-will guide along with all the divine, angels, fairies, mystical creatures, magical creatures, Galactic Counsel and Federation of Light.  Those who will hear, will hear, those who will see will see the love and light that shine through the vastness of which is me. 

Much Love, Much Light and Magical Blessings,

Natasha

A Funny Way to Relaxation

by Natasha Botkin

Triangle HeartRelaxing, has been a foreign concept to me.  There are many books, courses, videos all about relaxing.  Consequently, this has not been an easy part of a journey for me.  I was born with “ants in my pants,” and yet I do not have ADHD.

I hope that you are able to enjoy the comical vlog of my being introduced to relaxing.  Am I a master at relaxing, let’s just say that my teacher may need to re-teach me the art of relaxation.

Much Love, Much Light and Magical Blessings,

Natasha

Deep Emotions Abound

by Natasha Botkin

Little did I know that when my BeLoved shared a message during dream time that this would bring forth a fury of emotions.  Due to his message, I chose to tap into my soul, via what I call Color My World aka Soul intuitive Drawing.  With a soul intuitive drawing it is best to sit by and wait and see.  There is no need to force the meaning, nor what details came forth.

Later on in the day, not only did this intuitive drawing herald forward; this pulled out deep, deep emotions.  As a result of that, out came a pouring of tears, cry me a river, ha, how about the entire ocean.

You see, an object says as a drainage pipe has little do with the true meaning.  Watch my vlog and see what surfaces.  Also be sure to stop by and check out http://www.magicalblessingshealingcenter.com

Your heart is welcome with my heart.

Much Love, Much Light and Magical Blessings,

Natasha