by Natasha Botkin
Self-esteem can be defined by Webster’s dictionary as a noun self–es·teem \-ə-ˈstēm\ : a feeling of having respect for yourself and your abilities.
Self worth can be defined by Webster’s dictionary as noun \-ˈwərth\: a feeling that you are a good person who deserves to be treated with respect.
Some may say they are the same; some may same they differ from one another. Instead of focusing on this, let’s focus on a key word; both of the definitions begin with the word feeling.
Let’s define feeling via Webster’s dictionary as noun feel·ing \ˈfē-liŋ\: an awareness by your body of something in it or on it: an emotional state or reaction.
Therefore, a feeling is an awareness by your body, a sense, a presence, a vibe.
I have known individuals who have loads of outward self-esteem, but deep down inside are screaming for self-worth. This is the body receiving divine knowledge that something is amiss. Emotionailty is that force of a prideful ego dispersing lies. Sorry, Charlie the Sunkist Tuna, ego lies, deceives and creates a falsehood that is not of divine truth.
Breaking the belief and pattern that unfolds is as deep as the depth of where a tuna lives. One needs to dive deep to unfold their truth. The feelings that one just does not wish to feel.
In my collaboration with 30 other Authors “The Wisdom of Midlife Women 2,” I share my story, “Feelings of Resilience.” In fact what I am now bravely sharing is that this story was almost left tabled and not birthed. When it showed, my ego wanted to scream and kick like a two-year old having a tantrum. I had to step back and dive deep; when I emerged, my story was powerful, ready to be shared and shown to the those would enjoy this sharing.
Easier said than done, right!
I understand in ways that most may not realize. Once upon a time, I wore a cloak of invisibility afraid to show the world my true abilities. As a child I was ridiculed by friends and family. Now, I value my divine gifts; this is their loss. and I am here to shine my love, light and strength. Our powerful divine did not mistake my worth as others did.
The divine bequeathed me with an enormous amount of gifts. One is being an Empath. Before I dove deep for the story “Feelings of Resilience, I had this false sense that as an empath, I would take what others could not handle those energies/feelings left me tired and worn out. I did not deserve this, this is not what this gift is about. So, diving that I believed to be deep, gently guided this was not deep enough, oh jeeze; my Beloved’s voice and scuba diving knowledge of the human world, right by my side; “I am here ‘My Love.’ It’s okay, you’ll be okay. There’s a storm brewing, you know what you must do, and even though I cannot be there with you, I am still here and will monitor from afar; you are not alone, you are never alone.”
So dive, I went, it is what I must do! I dive, further and further and I rest swimming amongst creatures of the unknown. I am ready to submerge, I know that spiritually my BeLoved will be there with the divine, angels, Mother Mary and Yesuah. When I submerged they cradled me and helped me to better understand what just happened on the conscious level.
The story emerges, so does my worth in a way that is incredible, words cannot describe what is happening; it is a feeling, me taking back my life, my song, my dance. The greatest moment of clarity was visiting Ikea with a friend; she turns after we leave and says, what is different. I smile as I know what happened. One day I will share.
The greatest gift that the divine gave to me at that moment was the return of feeling. Self worth tackling what once toppled me; now I walk amongst crowds and do not absorb their energies. Rather, I honor and treasure myself to shine my divine light and divine love at full strength so that others may also feel this beautiful gift. The other divine gift, the ability to do so without absorbing their “stuff.” Me standing like a beacon of love and light shining for all to see and loving my worth to know that all is well- my power turned on, and I no longer need to “absorb” every little energy; these need a special location and I can deflect this to where it belongs; it does not belong to me as I am worth so much more and cherish myself by honoring my divine worth.
May you too, honor and cherish all that you are! May you too, turn on your power!
Much Love, Much Light, and Magical Blessings,