Step up and Be the True You

By Natasha Botkin

OrchidAs I was practicing yoga, the young woman on the video, kept cutting herself down, and would say, “sorry, I’ll stop making my lame jokes.” It was as if, she was looking off at someone saying, “don’t, stop.”  I like her yoga videos not just for her gentle ways of providing yoga, but also for her sense of humor. I sat there in a pose, breathing and my mind wandered to “do I do that…”

Later on in the day, I found myself doing just that.  I am known to have a quirky personality and a different sense of humor, or so I am told.  That’s just it. That’s someone else’s belief, not mine.  I am perfectly fine being quirky, it is what makes me, me.  My humor, is sweet and off-key to some, but again, it is me.

This left me with my mind to wander even more.  A web weaving out to grasp what needs to come forth.  What makes me stop, famila patterns and beliefs.  My family, did not enjoy me at all.  That’s their problem and not mine; their loss.  I am okay with that, it has taken years, and now I am at a place of peace with it all.

Another pattern began to show, and this one took a good week to surface and when she did, I was left with OMG! My past lives want to come forth. This regal lady very much wants the world to hear her truth.  I had to place boundaries. You see, the similarities between us is breath-taking.  I recently saw a portrait of her and wow, she looks like me or she would say I look like her. Either way, our lives in the dream bring forth a similar baseline.  An unhealthy need for her to wish to live life.

She should have been a powerful Duchess; she was not able to live her life as she would like. A small voice in me, kicks and fights screams, “No man will make me live my life this way.” Not truly understanding where that would come from.  The sad state was the parallel similarities.  She was not able to choose who she wished to marry, she was told who she would marry; and she did fall massively in love with her Duc.  During her life women did not have that luxury. Me, forced to marry one,trying to keep the family happy.  Both men were adulterous and for the most part the Duc was not violent with her.  Me, I am the survivor of intense domestic violence, and beyond thankful to be out! She lived in a home that was not her chosing, with furnishings that were not her own.  Can I say me too?

This came forth about a week ago, piece by piece like a puzzle.  I looked in the mirror and spoke to her when a major piece came together.  “Duchess, I am not you, you are not me. Yes, we are in the dream together; and yet, we do not live life in the same esoteric form.”  Me telling her, you cannot, nor will not do this to me.  Again the parallel similarities uncanning.  This one hers and hers alone.  I never fully understood why I work at this current location, needing to be freed.  It is not for me, and I do not fit in and have had so many unnecessary bumps and bruises from the others who do not wish me to be there.  The Duchess and I come to a full understanding that she cannot live my life.  I lost the love of my life, by her doing so.  Is that fair to me?  She screams, “No, I didn’t mean to.”  Me explaining to her, just who the love of my life is.  Her Duc, in her lifetime, it is her Duc, who she loved so much before his affair. In my lifetime, it is Roy, my BeLoved, the love of my life (the one I chose).

The Duchess proclaiming, “Oh no, I am so sorry! What will happen? You need him, you love him. He needs you, He loves you.”  The angels are still not spilling the beans and I know that the elders of our crystal realm have stepped in.  Is this a love story for all times….

Much Love, Light and Magical Blessings,

Natasha

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