by Natasha Botkin
I am not sure where this pattern or belief happened; complexity is for the strong. The stronger you are the more that you can achieve. I do not know how many times, I have heard someone call me wonder woman/supermom.
Grace is simple. Grace is pure. Grace is simplicity at its core. Through life, I have tackled, taken on more than most. I can accomplish more in a day than many often can in a week. I would look at others and think, why is this true and the ego would fulfill a falsehood. A misconception that would haunt me; create an inner turmoil that I need to do this and that; an essence that atta girl would create a internal, chaotic mess. I do not know how many times, I could not sleep, because this or that was not finished. How can I put more into more day?
Then one day, something began to transform, change. I looked back and realized that I was driving myself into a stressful confusion. I fought an intense battle of cancer; did this mentality bring this on. The famila adage was keep busy, busy hands keep the cobwebs away. Often times as a child I was found upside down in a tree, my dress over my head swinging back and forth, happy and giggling. When did this simplicity alter? Does that truly matter; that was then and this is now.
As a child, I was so joyful and filled with grace. As an adult, I began to look for perfectionism. I can now look back and realize that part of this hampered due to domestic violence. The more I was controlled, the more I wanted everything so perfect. In the end, I hurt me and was diagnosed with a rare form of bone tumor, refusing to give up. I am thrilled to say that I am 8.5 years in remission; give it a couple of months and it will be 9. YEAH!!
I cannot say that this was an overnight sensation. My spiritual growth was slow. I have two special needs boys on the autistic spectrum and they became my focus. Slowly one moment at a time, I began to awaken. Looking in the mirror, I was shocked to see the person looking back at me. Later, I went to an event, sitting there I was feeling quite uncomfortable; I had become more of an introvert than previously. Now I have always held an introvert manner; but this was more so. When a total stranger approached me and said, “You are the most beautiful woman, no wait you are simply elegant.” Graciously, I accepted her compliment and went along to live life.
Yet, the statement that she stated held in the back of my mind. I began to surrender to grace, allow a simple grace to remodel me. My mentality, my stance, more importantly my head held higher. Other things transformed, my dress became more simpler, my makeup was less, my hair became styled on its own. Simple, graceful, simply elegant filled with an air of elegance. A pep in my step, a giggle in my laugh, a twinkle in my eye. In other areas, life became more simple.
Life can be more joyful with a graceful simplicity.
Much Love and Light