by Natasha Botkin
How often have you felt, did they even see me, hear me? As I child, I held a special spark, a shine and if others did not notice, no biggie. I loved me, for me and to heck with anyone who did not.
I am not sure when that changed; one day I looked around and realized that I wore a cloak of invisibility. Can anyone hear me, do they see me? Then one day, I realized that my feelings, words disappeared, people did not care to hear me, see me; the worst words that one close person used was “sit down and shut up.” Does anyone care about me, what have I done? I could walk into a room and turn heads, and they would begin to move away; the worst part is I began to accept this as my truth. The joy and shining light stayed present, but began to be buried under the mud of mistruth and beliefs.
In herald, is a bright, shy young woman who had so much to offer, but her voice would trail. What does it matter, they do not listen anyways. A falsehood became more so and the clothes changed for ways to cover me up and disappear, my hair was styled in a way that could cover my face, my body. Did anyone stop to ask, no they did not care, “sit down and shut up” ringed through and through. A beautiful lost heart and soul hidden under the clothes, the hair, mud kicked on her; over and over in a figurative sense.
Or was it? No, it was not; domestic violence almost snuffed her out. The aura began to fizzle; The dark tried to find its way in. Hark the angels sing, “No, she will not be touched, she’s too precious; she has an incredible job to do.”
Along the way, I meet the most incredible man; fell into a deep love that I did not know could be true; even though I was wounded in love; it felt completely natural, so amazing. He saw something that others missed; he was ever patient, kind. The cloak of invisibility was fading, and yet something held; no rhyme, no reason. Why can’t I let go; this hurt this beautiful man; he left.
A few weeks later, out of the blue an invitation arrives in my email. I am too busy; it goes unnoticed. I am heart-broken, missing the love of my life; still trying to breath and not sure why he left. Who cares, about this, I delete the invitation. Then up pops on my cell phone, the phone call invitation begins in 10 mins. I was surprised and intrigued. Angels are not going to let this pass. I surrender and allow my cell phone to dial in. A week later I began a course. A course that would begin to change my life and quickly helped me utter the words, “I wish to be my true authentic self.”
Zip, zap; I went from standing to literally grasping for air, the tears, the cloak, the mud it was too heavy. I needed free and did not know how to free me. My first direction was Reiki, I was always intrigued, but did not venture. I fell in love with Reiki and even though Reiki is wonderful; it was not enough. Shortly thereafter, I met my incredible spiritual teacher. Thus, began the clearings of negative patterns and beliefs. I have never cried so hard; the oceans are safe after the numerous tears that flowed from every orifices of my body. As I began to work with my spiritual teacher; I knew that I needed to pay attention, like I was saving me, my life; wait, the curriculum; this is what I am supposed to do; my life purpose….
What began to clear was this lifetime; famila patterns and beliefs that did not serve me, “sit down and shut up.” No, I will no longer take those mean words!! The clearings, the lessons, guidance reacquainting with my truth, my true authentic self. She is beautiful, so sweet and filled full of joy. Others do not understand why I am so joyful when I should be miserable. No, I can feel that binds, the mud begin to fall away. I can feel the cloak; I want to lift the hood and do; and yet, still hold onto the cloak. I change my style of clothes, light free-flowing; my tank of a vehicle is now light. The biggest surprise for those close to me was the nine inches of hair that I freely cut off; I can feel the lightness shine and expand my aura. Nevertheless, the cloak is still on me.
Slowly, I hear me use the words it is safe as I discuss me, my truths, my life purpose, and I know this is a Segway for the past lifetimes. Sure enough, here come the past lifetimes of patterns and beliefs and more visions of deaths or rather murders. “Die witch,” become a staple for my deaths. I had to hide my truth or die; thus a cloak of invisibility. As I ventured on this journey, and releasing these beliefs and patterns, I realize that my gifts have followed me from lifetime to lifetime; others were not ready for the light, the love, the truth, the return home to their pure soul. Wow! It is incredible what I can do!! I am incredible. Yes, I am going to shout it out for all to hear; I AM INCREDIBLE!! Along the adventure, I release this belief of long ago, that pattern of long ago. These are not are me, they do not belong to me. Clear, release, allow, expand. The light that shines from my aura and soul is immense; one angel “calls me a torch.” No wonder the beautiful angels would not relent; I am in awe of all of their love, light and wisdom; I almost feel like Sally Fields accepting her Oscar, “You really like me.”
So much love and light. I am grace. I am love. I am light. Good bye cloak.
Along this beautiful journey, my truth unfolded a fabulous truth; my truth is to help, guide, others who need assistance to clear, remove their negative beliefs and patterns and gently guide them back to their truth of their soul.
May you remove the negative patterns and beliefs and move along to find the grace and light; remove your cloak of invisibility.